no_relation (no_relation) wrote,
no_relation
no_relation

Love, and being a man

So I was talking with my wife and a couple of her female friends last night about the guy with the gun and the aerobics class. This is the kind of thing that makes me crazy, the kind of thing that gives men a bad name. This is what makes women fearful of men, when most of us just want to love and protect you. This is what makes women afraid that any new man they meet is one "no" away from turning into a crazed homicidal stalker.

I've been rejected. I've been lonely. I've wondered why I couldn't find someone. I didn't, however, get angry or blame women in general. This is because I'm not a narcissistic sociopath, I'm not a child who thinks that the love of a woman is one of man's basic freedoms. I don't call people like that "men." Honor, respect, trustworthiness: these are the kind of things that make one a man. And even if you are a man, you're not deserving of love.

That is to say, you're no more deserving than anyone else. But then, no one is deserving of love. There's nothing you can do to make someone love you. It's not something to be bartered, or earned. It's a gift, given freely and without regard to reciprocation. This is what knowing my wife taught me.

You can never deserve a gift like love, just as you can never deserve the grace of God. But that doesn't mean you don't try. When you love someone, you try to be worthy of their love in return. You might get it. You might not. But you try. Love is a never ending quest. If they give you their love, you owe more than you can ever repay. But you try. This, I do believe, is what makes a man.
Tags: girls and women, introspection
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